


The First Letter

by colemlock01



Series: Dear Sherlock [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Reichenbach Feels, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-22
Updated: 2012-11-22
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colemlock01/pseuds/colemlock01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not long after Sherlock's fall, John's therapist suggests that he writes letters to Sherlock to cope with the grief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Letter

Dear Sherlock,

It’s been three months since you fell, jumped, whatever. Three months to the day. It hasn’t got easier. That’s what they always say isn’t it? ‘It will get easier.’ They’re wrong, it doesn’t. My therapist says I should write you letters telling you how I’m getting on, to say all those things that were never said. I can’t do that; I can’t say those things knowing you’ll never hear them. But I can tell you how I’m getting on, I guess. It makes me feel silly and I know you’d say that it was a load of bollocks but here goes. 

Hamish still has nightmares; he wakes up screaming almost every night. Not that I’m sleeping anyway, I get them too. We barely talk anymore, I think he’s scared that he’ll say something that will upset me or I’ll snap at him. It makes me feel guilty every day. He’s a child and he’s my son and I can barely look at him because he reminds me too much of you. The jet black hair in contrast to the pale blue eyes and milky white skin. He had to inherit your most distinguishing features didn't he? 

I see you everywhere regardless. Whether it's that big stupid coat billowing round a corner so it just catches my eye, your silhouette on a rooftop at night or those sparkling blue eyes behind my reflection in the mirror, you're always there. I know you're with me, Sherlock. I know you're always there and it pains me that I can't just reach out and touch you. Feel your slightly less than average body temperature and startling pale skin under my fingertips. Sometimes I swear I can feel you and it frightens me.

I won’t lie to you Sherlock; I've not been getting by so well. Once I started ignoring Mycroft’s calls, he’s starting sending people round to check on me, make sure I haven't topped myself or anything. As if I would, Hamish has already lost one Dad. I'm a little insulted that they think I'd do that. Speaking of Hamish, his school have contacted me too, saying they’re worried about his levels of participation and his behaviour. I didn't really know what to say other than ‘What do you expect? His Dad died.’ I’m sure you would have thought of something wittier if this situation were reversed. 

But it’s not. You’re gone and I'm still here. Barely. I miss you, so much it hurts.

You’ll be hearing from me, Your John. xxx

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading. Any criticism is welcome but I hope you enjoyed it. This series will see John's life as he deals with it in Sherlock's absence and will possibly see the return of Sherlock.


End file.
